More —'Mour — Mʊə(r)!

The Name of This Blog

I came to the name of this blog for a number of reasons. Firstly, because of the word “paramour,” which means lover, and has most often been used to describe the illicit partner of a married person. If you’ve read any part of my blog, you can see why both the classic and the modern uses of the word apply. Also “metamour,” which is the word in the poly community for a person that is the parter of your parter, but someone with whom you yourself are not romantically involved. In my life, I have both been a metamour and had several partners who are metamours of each other, most significantly my husband Oscar and my girlfriend Jules. (I originally thought about using the pronunciation spelling—“Mʊə(r)”—you’re happy I didn’t.) Then there was the polyamory symbol which can be seen as a header on the main page of this site and features an infinity sign set in a heart, the infinity sign presumably representing the seemingly infinite possibilities for and permutations of relationships that are possible through polyamory. “More” is a nod to all of these things. 

It occurred to me only after the fact that it bears resemblance to the primary polyamory literary source that is More Than Two (Franklin Veaux and Eve Rickert). That connection is not intentional, though it is, perhaps, inevitable when considering a topic like polyamory whose defining feature is that it differs from the relationship model of two people to represent relationships that, well, include more than two people—and all that comes with that.

Other Resources

Note: I can’t vouch for any of these resources except those I’ve included notes for. Good luck!

Books
More Than Two, by Franklin Veaux and Eve Rickert
It’s a good starting place, but Jules and I found that this book was very heavily geared towards heterosexual couples, particularly heterosexual couples opening up to poly from being monogamous. If that’s you, you may find it useful. Maybe this book might have helped me more if I had read it when Oz and I were at that stage. As it is, I didn’t make it through the book; the examples in the book are too different from my life the way it is now. But the writing is good and the authors are earnestly trying to help and encourage. They also have a website to match, if you’re interested.

The Ethical Slut: A Roadmap for Relationship Pioneers, by Dossie Easton and Janet W. Hardy

When Someone You Love is Polyamorous, by Dr. Elizabeth Sheff
I tried at first to give my mother More Than Two to read (see Coming Out…to my family) and ended up giving her this. I still don’t know if she’s read it yet, but I know that it was much more bitesized and digestible for someone you care about who has no exposure to the lifestyle. It’s quick, informative, and matter of fact; I read through it in under half an hour.

Stories from the Polycule: Real Life in Polyamorous Families, by Dr. Elizabeth Sheff
I will be reading this next!

The Polyamorists Next Door: Inside Multiple Partner Relationships and Families, by Dr. Elizabeth Sheff

Polyamory in the 21st Century: Love and Intimacy with Multiple Partners, by Deborah Anapol

A Therapist’s Guide to Consensual Nonmonogamy, by Rhea Orion

Opening Up: Creating and Sustaining Open Relationships, by Tristan Taormino