I drew a picture of Jules in the first month of knowing her and we both agreed that it was a true representation of her. Jules raved for days that it captured her body dimensions and attitude exactly, down to the wide-legged stance, the lit cig in her hand, the Harry Potter dressing gown. La Devastadora I called her, Jules’ badass alter ego, named for her affinity for Spain and Spanish, her devastating skill in the bedroom. La Devastadora was what I saw when I looked at her.
When love struck again, I took it to him, my deepest confessions, my biggest worries. I needed someone to talk to that didn’t have as big of stakes as Oz would as my primary partner. Lorin was patient and used to giving advice. He was the perfect fit. These are the words we traded in those first few weeks of her.
Oz and I were married in a Unitarian chapel in North London, and afterwards two old-fashioned London buses. came to ferry us south of the river to the reception. I wanted my wedding to be a meeting of elegant opposites, a blending of cultures, preferences, personalities, a coming-together. And yet, for all its success at bringing together so many other disparate things, the wedding was nothing if not a convergence of lovers that started out well but quickly went south.
It dawned on me there in the desert, in the quiet: there was something still surreal about the fact that we were moving transatlantic, that our flights were booked, our bags half-packed. My mother had stopped trying to suggest other options. I was going, and he was coming with me.
Growing up religious in my town, it was impossible not to hear about The Five Love Languages. Though I am constantly forgetting the others, I know mine very well. As a writer, expressing myself has always seemed a need of the highest importance to me, though as a multimedia storyteller, communicating without words has always been just as valuable to me as speech.
Who can say what it was, the way she smiled at me or the way I made her laugh, the name we shared or the ease with which we smoked together or the fact that our accents intrigued one another, that our tongues were drawn to each other like magnets.